Thursday, May 26, 2005

CD25: Life is what happens when you're sitting around waiting to POAS.

Despite my all consuming obsession with all things reproductive in my life right now, the world is still spinning on its axis, and other people are suffering tragedies and celebrating triumphs.

I am consumed with the worst time of the school year, tons of paperwork, meetings and stress, which means that I am dealing with minutiae at home and at work.

However, the big picture sometimes jumps up and smacks me awake again. I have a student who has been out for most of the spring because of the worst sickle cell crisis the doctors here have ever seen. She has been in and out of the hospital, with no long term easing of her pain. She has been on morphine, oxycontin and numerous blood thinners to try and make the crisis pass.

Recently, the educational consultant and I have been in touch a lot because we are trying to get her schooling under control. The consultant told me a couple of weeks ago that my sweet young woman is currently awaiting a bone marrow transplant. None of her family members match her, so she is being placed on the national transplant list.

Unfortunately, there are very few African-Americans on the marrow registry, so a donor is unlikely. Even worse, her mother and she will likely have to relocate to another state if a donor is found since transplants for sickle cell are so uncommon. Without a transplant, she will die.

Yesterday, I sat with her and talked about this. There is no money in the family even if a donor match is found to pay the medical expenses and allow mom to relocate with her.

I am at such a loss for what to say or do next. The family is very proud, and does not want to "beg" for assistance or admit they need help.

What do you say to a 13 year old who knows she is looking at death in the next 6-12 months?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

CD23: It Was Only a Dollar...

I have had incredible nausea, and yesterday I had weird cramps in my uterus. I have also been crying at the drop of a hat, for the craziest reasons. OK, I admit it, usually for no reason at all.

My breasts are much sorer than usual, and I have spent many a moment holding them in my hands like I am checking tomatoes or melons for freshness, trying to determine if they are larger and have darker nipples. (They do feel larger, but the nipples haven't changed.)

So, Dyke Two made me take a HPT this morning. 8/9 dpo, going with the ovulation date I assigned from CM. 5 dpo (and with no chance of the sperm having met the egg) if we go with Fertility Friend's ovulation date.

We came up with a plan for testing last night:

today (just for practice)
saturday (which is the day before I would be expecting to bleed if I actually ovulated on CD14)
a week from Wednesday (which would make me late, even with the later o date)

As we sat in the bedroom waiting for it to finish "cooking" I said to Dyke Two, "If this is positive, it must mean that I am pregnant with twins because that is the only explanation for that much HcG to already be floating around my system." Of course, the more obvious explanation for my symptoms is that I am making myself crazy, and stressing myself out over imagined twinges, pangs and gas bubbles.

It was negative. Of course it was negative. Lesbian pre-mature ejaculation is a very painful, frustrating experience.

Monday, May 23, 2005

CD22: Still Holding on to the Dream...

I had a fat temperature rise on CD19, and then a crazy low dip on CD21. Rather than put it in, I checked my temp again an hour later when the dogs woke us up again. (After all, I had fallen asleep on the couch and had only been in bed for like three hours when I temped the first time). It had gone right back up to the correct temperature range, so I put in the higher temperature. Still high on CD22, so FF put in dotted crosshairs with a tentative ovulation on CD18. Whatever. My gut (and probably my fantasy) tells me I ovulated on CD14, with a weird delay in temperature shift. TCOYF shows a sample chart where that happened, and asserts that mucus and position are more important than temperature. It is frustrating because if we had been using fresh sperm with an available donor, we would have just kept on squirting until this weekend. Instead, we just have to hope for the best.

I continue to be nauseous and slightly dizzy, and gag every time I brush my teeth. I am also suffering from serious heartburn. (Of course, tremendous stress also cause these symptoms for me, so there is no telling).

I am trying not to get too discouraged, though I noticed some strange twinges in my uterus this morning, and continue to have creamy mucus that is bordering on eggwhite, though too cloudy. I have some soreness in my breasts.

Our attitude right now is to act like I am pregnant, but assume that I am not. I will probably take a test this weekend, just for the fun of it. But even with a BFN, I will still have to pretend that I am pregnant until CD30, which is when I would expect a temp drop and impending menstrual symptoms, if FF is right in calculating ovulation.

I played soccer this weekend, and trapped a few balls on my stomach. (It makes for a wide, soft landing spot for the ball). Dyke Two was very worried that I shouldn't play, but I convinced her it was OK when I pointed out that nobody has ever spontaneously gotten her period from getting hit in the stomach or falling down.

I also fell rather spectacularly while trying to extricate something from our shed. I lost my balance, and rather than land on the legs of an overturned chair, I pushed off, and landed with a thump on the grass outside the shed. Dyke Two was napping when it happened, though Gayboy was with me. After we both finished laughing, I realized that while I was fine (except for the bruises to my dignity) I am going to have to slow down, ask for help and not be so stubbornly independent while pregnant.

The rational side of me says that I am not pregnant, that FF was correct in putting my ovulation crosshairs in on CD18, and that we inseminated too early. Obviously, these symptoms I am having are no more than stress from the impending end of the school year, and that crazy dip on Sunday morning was because of interrupted sleep, my mouth being open, the blankets being kicked off of me, etc. I mean, who can argue with a computer model that analyzes a million charts and figures out ovulation dates every day??

The baby-obsessed, crazy making side of me says that the symptoms are clearly related to a fertilized egg floating inside of me, that the currently unrecorded dip was an implantation dip and that clearly I am pregnant. I mean, who can argue with cervical mucus??

Did I mention that I am also moody??

Thursday, May 19, 2005

CD18: Dyke One officially loses her mind

After spending two days cycling through thinking that

(a) I have not yet ovulated and am suffering from ovarian cysts and
(b) I am pregnant with triplets, quads or quints given the severity of the "symptoms" I am experiencing

I can safely say that I have lost my everlovin' mind.

Still no sign of a temperature shift, though fertility friend is inexplicably saying that I ovulated between CD5 and CD11.

The cervix has closed up tightly now, with creamy mucus.

I continue to feel nauseous, lightheaded and exhausted. I also have a metallic taste in my mouth, and am freezing cold right now, even though everyone else thinks the building is comfortable. i have taken a nap two days in a row. As Dyke Two said last night as I dragged myself out of bed to go to a meeting, "Either you have a virus or a parasite. Let's hope it is a parasite that will take 9 months to work itself out of your body."

Who knows? I spent time stalking the chart gallery on Fertility Friend, and was delighted to see people whose charts looked like mine and were not anovulatory.

I spent time reading up on the highly controversial concept of double ovulation, which is how I decided that clearly I am pregnant with triplets or quads. The theory states that some women will ovulate two or more times in a month, with many days separating the release of the eggs. It is not widely accepted by western medicine, but since it is the only possible explanation for my crazy chart that includes me inseminating anywhere close to when an egg would have been ready to hang with the sperm, clearly, I must have double ovulated.

The one thing I haven't done: scheduled the last of my IEP meetings.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

CD16: The Cervix Reopens. What the Hell is Happening To My Body??

I came home from work, after spending the day tired, light-headed and slightly nauseous, with shooting pains in both ovaries and a slight burning feeling in my uterus. (My temperature was still low this morning, confirming that I have not yet ovulated, but will probably do so in two days).

I walked into the house, dropped my keys and crawled into bed, and promptly slept for two hours. I take naps in the middle of the day about once a year, and now I am ready to go back to sleep.

Dyke Two came home from work, and decided to check my cervix again. My mucus has been totally watery, like drops of water, with air bubbles in it, and lots of cloudy spots.

Long story short, my cervix is open again. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE??

I have no idea if I am in the two week wait, if I have ovulated, or if aliens have crawled into my cervix and taken up residence.

I will start taking tests next Wednesday, but I am definitely not holding my breath.

Monday, May 16, 2005

CD15: Dyke Two Becomes Obsessed

About a week ago, I asked Dyke Two if I should buy some pregnancy tests when I bought the now useless and unused OPKs. She looked at me, and said, "How will we know if the results are valid?" I gave her a bit of an explanation of HcG and how some women get positives earlier than others, and how some women never get a positive on an HPT. Dyke Two, in her infinite wisdom, said, "Well, then I think we should wait until your period is like a month late." I am all about waiting as long as possible, but four weeks late??

Today, I was finishing up a report at work when the phone rang. I picked it up, and Dyke Two greeted me with, "Hurry up and get home. I want to check your cervix." An obsessor is born.

After she checked my cervix (closing up nicely, thanks for asking) she then said, "How soon can you test?" When I told her that I would be expecting my period in about 12 days, she looked skeptical. I suggested waiting until Memorial Day weekend, and she looked horrified. When she asked which test was most sensitive and reliable, I suggested she go to

She leapt out of the bedroom, and raced to the computer. We ended up at the Dollar Store, with 5 tests in our basket so I can take a test whenever she wants me too.

Our little obsessor grows up.

CD15 I plus 1 and counting: When the Universe Talks, I Try to Listen.

I lay in bed this morning crying because my temp was 95.8 the first time I took it. (yes, I said first. Don't tell Toni Weschler). I took it again, and it said 96.8--the same damn reading I have had for three days. So, I decided that this clearly meant that my thermometer needed a new battery. Good thing I am an obsessor, because I was able to just reach into the bedside table and pull out back up thermometer number 2, which gave me a reading of 96.9. (yes, I said back up number 2--the first thermometer of the day was back up number 1 since main thermometer's battery died two weeks ago. and yes, I do have not one, not two, but three thermometers in my bedside table. I told you I was an obsessor!!)

So, Dyke Two convinced me that we did everything we could, and to quote a friend of mine from high school, our mantra must be, "No fits later." I dragged myself out of bed, took a shower and went to school.

I logged onto Fertility Friend with the intention of putting in my temp and googling ovulation and slow temp rise, or no temp rise or something like that. For those of you who are not FF addicts like myself, FF has a neat little feature where a different question pops up each day, and you can click on it and read more about that particular issue. Today's question, I kid you not, was "I showed all the signs of ovulation, but my temperature didn't rise. Did I really ovulate?"

The answer: sometimes it takes 2 or 3 days for the egg to cause enough build up in progesterone for your temps to rise. Wait and see if you see an upward trend and keep trying. (While the keep trying part is irrelevant for us, I liked the part about 2 or 3 days before the temp rise). In fact, if you look at my chart from the last month I used this ovary, my temp was a very slow rise, which is masked by the fact that I fell asleep wearing way too much clothing the night of CD14.

Hot dog! The ball is still bouncing around! Come on red 17!!! Mama wants a new pair of shoes...

Sunday, May 15, 2005

CD14: Your Intuition is a Primary Fertility Signal.

I spent all day yesterday stressing about whether or not to do our first insemination. I took an OPK Friday afternoon that was close to positive, and then one Saturday afternoon that was faint, faint, faint. I woke Dyke Two up from a nap and made her look at my cervix at about 5 pm.

In her half awake stupor, she couldn't see anything and claimed that my cervix was gone. She also asked me where the sperm was, and when I told her it was in the closet, she popped up, and loudly asked, "Shouldn't you put it in the refrigerator?"

We returned home from a Thai dinner and ice cream treat at the little stand near the house to discover that the power was out.

All day, I had been fighting a nagging feeling that I was ovulating. My cervix felt soft to the touch, and my mucus was looking more and more eggwhite with each passing hour. When the lights came back on, we cracked out the speculum and tried again. My cervix looked exactly like the picture in TCOYF so we decided to do the first insemination.

Dyke Two opened the tank and carefully put on gardening gloves to remove the tube. The tube (which we spent a lot of money on) held exactly one half milliliter of sperm. Dyke Two immediately began to stress about leaving even a drop of it behind, and kept looking at the tube, and saying, "That's like 25 dollars worth, still hanging there." She transferred it to an oral syringe from CVS, and carefully placed it at the opening of my cervix. (I checked with the 3x makeup mirror as she cursed and tried to remove the last 10 dollars worth.)

I woke up this morning with my temp still hovering at a pre-O level. For this, we were grateful. Our buddy, Gayboy, and I went to finish up the recycling from the rental we are now subletting. At the bottom of the recycling bin, I came across a packet called, "Wishing Dust" that was filled with purple glitter. Gayboy said it came to the newspaper where he works as part of the press package from the release of 13 Going On 30. So, I opened the envelope, tossed some over my head, and made a wish. (I'm not allowed to say what the wish was, but I am guessing you all can figure it out).

We returned from the recycling center, I went to play soccer and spent the afternoon obsessing about whether or not I was feeling O twinges. (I also scored a goal on our own goalie when a ball I was trying to trap ricocheted off my leg and shot straight into the corner of the goal, bouncing slightly off the post for good measure).

After soccer, we did the final insemination. My cervix this time was open enough to stick a finger into it. We didn't stick a finger in, but we did stick the entire eye dropper in. (Dyke Two decided that the eye dropper allowed her to get more into place). I lay in bed, and pretended to be a rotisserie chicken, rotating on a spit for about an hour.

Both of us are feeling hopeful that we nailed it. Thus begins the 2WW. Unless of course my temps don't rise tomorrow.

Here's hoping that the ball stops on Red 17.

Friday, May 13, 2005

CD12 O minus 6 and Counting: There's a Man in my Closet

Well, not so much a man, as a man's, shall we say, essence. As a person who has always opened presents as soon as possible, and snooped, lifting flaps, shaking boxes and smelling packages, it is driving me crazy that I can't fidget with the tank until it is time to use it.

We now have a tank, about two feet tall and maybe 10 inches in diameter that holds liquid nitrogen and two small vials of "baby-juice." I spent most of the day driving up to get the goods, and have carefully read everything they gave us. (Not much, but I fantasize about getting to fill out the "pregnancy reporting form" but I want to make sure that I only do so when I get to tell them it resulted in a birth.) I also raced in the door and promptly peed in a cup to take an OPK, which did not show a positive.

The bank itself was in the basement of a rather unassuming office building off of the freeway in Suburbia. There was a small waiting room where I assume donors wait to make their deposits, and a pick up and delivery window where the tanks wait, either for Fed-Ex or hopeful women who drive to pick up a tankful of their frozen dreams.

The box says, "fragile, keep upright" and I honestly debated buckling it into the backseat, far away from the airbags, and centered safely away from the crumple zone. Then I realized that if I got in an accident, it didn't matter if the sperm survived if my uterus weren't there for it to be incubated in. Instead, the sperm drove home on the floor of the passenger side of my front seat, nestled amongst my cleats, some water bottles and last week's Saturday paper. Not the most glamorous seat for the tank that represents our deepest desire, but that way I could keep an eye on it while I drove.

I only did the soccer mom arm save twice when I put on the brakes, and my right arm shot out to protect the sperm from shifting too much.

CD11 O minus 7 and counting: Dyke Two gets up in my grill

Dyke Two and I were on the back porch after work today when we heard a voice. The UPS truck had arrived, and the wonderful man in brown was standing there with a box, waiting to hand it over to me.

I grabbed the box, and raced into the house. I knew that it was our order from Good Vibrations. I ripped open the box and nestled inside were a catalogue of sex toys (which was carelessly tossed aside) and 6 clear, plastic speculums.

Dyke Two and I decided to try out our new "toys" and I must say that having a speculum inserted in the privacy of your own home is far better than the sterile, cold environment of the doctor's office.

I, of course, could only see Dyke Two as she was trying to get a view of my cervix. It was pretty amazing to see her face change from the look of concentration, brow furrowed and lips pursed, to the look of amazement, jaw dropped, eyes huge and a goofy grin on her face as she found the cervix.

It was a nice bright pink color, with a slightly open hole and a little ring of glistening CM nestled inside. (I got to use the mirror to look at it too). It was quite incredible.

I almost wanted to grab hands with her and sing Kumbaya, eat some granola and brew herbal tea. There should have been some Joni Mitchell playing in the background. My mom would have been so proud that her initial investment in my future (a copy of Our Bodies Our Selves when I hit puberty) paid off so well. We might have brewed the tea and cued the CD player if I weren't lying there like a beached whale with hard plastic spreading my parts open.

Of course, it seemed more open than we thought it should, so now we are panicking that we are going to miss ovulation.

From a moment of touchy-feely womanpower to a moment of crazed panic in just three short seconds.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

CD10 O minus 8 and counting.

I ordered the sperm last night. It was so easy. I think I expected to have to show them my breeding license or something, but instead, I just called, and asked for two vials of the stuff for pick up on Friday. The man on the phone agreed, confirmed the physical characteristics of the donor, and told me I can pay for it on Friday.

Trauma of the night involved mowing the lawn. I had both dogs outside with me, and one of them chased a squirrel. I thought nothing of it until all of a sudden, she had it in her mouth!! I yelled at her, and she dropped the now-dead squirrel half under the fence. I figured I could finish mowing and then go deal with it. Next thing I know, the other dog has it in his mouth. When I yelled at him to drop it, he proceeded to rip the tail off, and slurp it down like cartoon character with a strand of spaghetti. As I moved toward him, he chomped the rest of the squirrel down, fur, organs, head, skeleton and all. I woke up this morning still shuddering.

We spent about five minutes this morning checking my past charts for mucus descriptions, and were very relieved to see that, except for the weirdness on CD7 & CD8, everything is shaping up well. The jury is still out on whether or not I will use an OPK this month, but we will see. I will only do it if we feel it will ease our stress rather than add to it.

We watched the finale of the Amazing Race last night. All along, we have been rooting for Uchenna and Joyce, so we were heartbroken when they were so far behind everyone at the beginning of the episode. When they won, all four of us (we had our gayboys over for TV last night) were on our feet cheering. And then, when Uchenna said, "In vitro here we come!" I started to tear up. Next thing I know, all three of the others were wiping away tears too! As Dyke Two has said repeatedly, "There was something in my eye." All that jumping around must have dislodged dust, because everyone had it.

As we were going to sleep, it began to sink in to Dyke Two that we really have no idea of the exact timing for this. I think she is beginning to experience the lack of knowledge and control that caused me to freak out and begin charting and reading everything I could get my hands on. Now she is beginning to realize just how precise and unforgiving the whole process is. She is really doing well with the pressure, but as she said, "This is like going to the casino and putting all your money on red-17 and hoping for the best."

Let's hope it is a little more strategic than that...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

CD9: O minus 9 and counting

I have become increasingly obsessed with my cervical mucus this month. I am trying to put the fear of early O out of my mind. My temps did not increase this morning, even though I had flows of mucus both Sunday night and Monday lunchtime, and an increased sex drive Friday-Sunday. I have never been so happy to have my temp remain nice and low. Last night, I was getting wigged out because what had been crazy-adundant, stretchy mucus had dried to lotiony, sticky and very very scant. I was so afraid that my temps were going to be up this morning, and the sperm that still has to be ordered would sit for another month.

This morning, my cervix had inched its way up a little bit, and softened slightly, though there was still no mucus. Lunchtime, cervix was still elevated slightly, and still softish. But, the elusive CM had returned, and was at about the amount and stretchiness that I anticipate for CD9.

One of the books I use for reference claims that some women ovulate twice a month, but I still don't know that I buy it, even though it is a good explanation of what happened to me on CD7 and CD8. The thought of ovulating twice in a month seems so wonderful to me, but flies in the face of all medical science as I understand it. However, the authors are midwives who run a very successful clinic that helps women get pregnant, so for now, I will chalk it up to a mystery.

If we were using a known donor, he would have had his butt in our house last night, producing a specimen for us, but as it is, I have to assume that it was a freak incident.

What is this in my pants??

I had a bit of a meltdown when I went to the bathroom and realized that I was already having egg white cervical mucus. I am very afraid that I will ovulate before we get the sperm on Friday. I am also worried that the snafu that I am now untangling with my doctor's office will prevent us from getting the sperm in time. (It turns out that the sperm bank and I misunderstood each other, and the doctor thinks that I have to fill out part of the authorization form, so he mailed it to me on Friday. This is compounded by the fact that I forgot to give them my new address so it has to be forwarded to me which will delay it further).

When I discovered this, I started a journal entry about this but lost it by mistake, and it is interesting to read the difference between my thoughts in panic mode and my thoughts now. My last entry attempt started with the sentence, "Well, we're going to have to sit this cycle out." Isn't it amazing how much your outlook can change when you short-circuit the catastrophic thinking loop?

Dyke Two and I have come to terms with the fact that it might not line up for this month and we are OK with it. We did, however, pick up needleless syringes and Instead cups on Friday night, and we ordered a speculum this evening. (actually six).

Who knew that the Good Vibrations website sold speculums for $4 a pop, in addition to lube and adult toys?

Monday, May 09, 2005

The Calm Before the Storm

We had a really productive weekend. Saturday started with a trip to our favorite bagel place, which is the place to be on a Saturday morning. We ran into three or four people we knew while eating our egg sandwiches. (Incidentally--an everything bagel with egg, mustard, chedddar cheese and tomato from this particular bagel place is like the Holy Grail. So good that some mornings you just have to have it. On those occasional times when the combo doesn't mesh just right, the memory of the perfect one the week before leads you right back, just knowing that this time will be perfect. Saturday's was not perfect, but good enough to make me go back again). We got a little freaked out when some acquaintances of ours stopped us and asked if I was pregnant. We have only told a few people of our plans, and this couple had heard we were trying from a woman that neither of us had told. We gave a politely vague answer of "oh yes, we're trying sometime soon. hopefully this summer" and moved the conversation firmly in the direction of our upcoming wedding and their one year old son.

We then moved onto buying the material for our wedding outfits. (I keep wanting to call them costumes since neither of us is the type to get all dressed up.) We decided a few months ago that we would each pick out the style of clothing we wanted (me a long sleeveless dress, and Dyke Two a pant suit with a long knee length jacket), but would have them made in the same material to give us a polished, matching look without wearing identical outfits. We went to this awesome fabric store and found beautiful material at discount prices. It has re-awakened my desire to learn to quilt because all of his material is really cheap and really unusual. We settled for an ivory taffeta satin blend that is shiny on one side and matte on the other and is absolutely gorgeous. We also picked out a deep purple embroidered material that Dyke Two's shirt and my scarf/train will be made from. I can't see myself wearing a veil, but wanted something flowing behind me, so this is a good compromise. The materials are beautiful together and the purple matches both of our skin tones.

We then drove out to eat barbeque in the county where I grew up. It kind of freaked me out to see a yoga and pilates studio in what used to be a cow pasture, but the food is still so good. The turkey sandwich is heavenly enough to make this vegetarian eat it! So, I had my once every two year poultry fix, thought I'd died and gone to heaven eating their potato salad and drinking their limeaid and then we went next door to the newly opened bakery and ate strawberry cheesecake.

I spent Mother's Day playing soccer and mowing the lawn. Both are activities I really enjoy, and it kind of freaked me out to realize that the next time I do both of them I *MIGHT* be in the 2WW. It depends on when I ovulate--CD14 is next weekend, which is the earliest I have ever ovulated, so I am thinking I won't be in the 2WW until the following week. However, every jostle to my stomach on the soccer field, and every push of the mower made me think of an embryo cooking away inside me. I had planned to keep playing soccer until the 8 week mark, but I am not sure anymore. It is a good thing the season is almost over, because I think I would stress too much and end up quitting if we had more than the three more games on the schedule.

We also made the mistake of watching a special on Donor Sperm Banks, which depressed me because the families profiled were so intent on finding out their donor's identities, and felt that their lives were empty because they didn't know their donor. I don't think it is a typical experience, but it sure freaked us out.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Preparations Have Begun

With Operation Babymaking proceeding at warp speed this month, we have begun talking about the supplies we need to purchase.

How we wish we were a straight couple, who can prepare for ovulation by buying a bottle of wine, some candles, a new booty CD and some massage oil. Operation Babymaking in this household has a whole different set of requirements.

We have begun looking on line for:

needleless syringes (for squirting the goods)
a speculum (for seeing where to squirt the goods)
an Instead cup (for holding the goods in place post-squirt)
Pre-Seed (for speculum ease of use)

Timing, as is often said, is everything. From my extensive and obsessive research, I have learned:

Apparently, there is approximately a 12-24 hour window in which the sperm will live post-thaw. Those statistics about fresh sperm living for 3-5 days sound pretty good to me right about now.

OPKs apparently are not all that helpful for most women trying to get pregnant with donor sperm because even with an OPK, the window of time for ovulation is still too big.

Apparently, the best way to monitor ovulation (short of ultrasounds) is to look at your cervix with a speculum. So, this month, we are planning to use a speculum to monitor my cervix, rather than use OPKs.

This is where I get very thankful that I have a very regular cycle with ovulation on CD18 every month. And, the one month I ovulated early on CD14, I could tell ahead of time that I was going to do so. In fact, I said to Dyke Two on the night of CD13, "I think I am going to ovulate tonight." Of course, many women experience crazy cycles the first month that they try to use donor sperm. The stress and upheaval changes things for their body. We are assuming that everything will go ass over tits this month, and we are trying to be OK with it.

I am feeling remarkably calm about the idea, though I am sure that a week from now, I will be a basket case again. I have to keep remembering the mantra of one of the books I have read, "Your instinct is also a primary fertility signal." The book talks about have at least three primary fertility signals line up before inseminating. The signals that they outline are: cervical position, cervical texture, cervical mucus, cervical opening, sex drive, OPKs and ovulation pain, as well as your instinct. They also don't consider temperature to be a fertility signal since it only rises post- ovulation. I keep trying to remind myself that only three of the many signals need to line up, and that my instinct seems pretty spot-on so far.

And, neither of us are going into this cycle expecting it to work, so if it does, BONUS. If it doesn't, then we just had more practice in figuring out timing before we start for real.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Operation Babymaking Warp Speed

Dyke Two called me this afternoon and asked me for the name of the sperm bank again. Sperm procurement is her job, since I am providing the eggs and the uterus. I gave her the name of the bank and she called back about 20 minutes later and said, "We're good to go. The doctor needs to fill out his form."

As I had put my temp in this morning, I was excited that this was the final cycle to figure stuff out before sticking the goods into me in June. I was excited that Dyke Two got the ball rolling this morning with a call to the bank.

I left work, and the phone rang again. Dyke Two was on the other line, and she said, "I have his baby picture." I said, "That's great, but I have a colleague in the car because her car broke down."

I got home, and was checking the mail, and the phone rang AGAIN. Dyke Two said, "Are you alone?" I said yes, and she then went on to say, "I want to start this month. When are you ovulating?" I told her in about 17 days and she announced that we should take the day off and go get sperm on Friday the 13th.

What was I just saying about using this cycle to fine tune my signals?