Wednesday, June 29, 2005

8 weeks 2 days: What is my subconscious telling me?

I had a dream last night that was more than a little disturbing. In it, I went to the bathroom, and felt something slithering out of me. When I looked in the toilet, there was a bright red alien baby (like in the Dr. Sears Pregnancy book diagrams) floating in the water. It was bright red and looked exactly like a jello mold, in maybe, strawberry jello. (more pink than cherry jello, but still BRIGHT red.) It was the size of my palm, and when I picked it up, it was the consistency of one of those sticky frogs with the tongues that slap onto things and pull them back. In my dream, I wasn't upset about the fetus in the toilet because I could still tell that I was pregnant.

I woke up more confused than anything else.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

7 weeks 3 days: last night, the fun began

The phone rang about 6:00 last night. My dad and stepmom had come home from Dad's birthday afternoon of going to used bookstores and baseball card shops to find our package. They were SOOOOOO excited.

They asked about names, and we told them we were still thinking, though we have actually already come up with names. They called back about 90 minutes later with a long list of suggested names:



We had already decided that we were not going to tell the names ahead of time so we came up with a phony list of finalists:

Girls: Tolly, Mia, Wilma, Ella and Zora

Boys: Clinton, Ezra, Michael, Miles and Langston.

The real choices? Guess you will have to wait to find out in February...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

7 weeks 2 days: the clock is STILL ticking UPDATE

I called my dad to wish him a happy birthday, and his gift hasn't arrived yet. arghhh! Hopefully, he will get it tomorrow. My lips remained sealed, and I simply apologized that his gift was delayed....

7 weeks 2 days: tick tock, tick tock

I overnight mailed my dad's birthday present (which includes the ultrasound pictures) yesterday. I am now waiting to hear from him. I imagine that he will be over the moon with excitement, though I suppose he might be more confused than anything.

I had a nice long workout this morning: a mile on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer. It felt really good, but now I just want to go back to sleep.

The digestive issues are getting really uncomfortable right now. The metamucil isn't so bad, but the after effects (especially after a workout) can be--shall we say?--explosive.

I think I will take a shower, and then curl up with a book, and then try to finish the baby blanket that just needs its final row of edging for my co-worker who MUST have had the baby already.

There are many days that I can't get over the incredible luck and blessing that Dyke Two and I have experienced with this pregnancy. There is so much loss and sadness in this world, and so many people experience such trouble getting and remaining pregnant, that both of us are in awe of our good fortune.

Monday, June 20, 2005

7 weeks: first appointment

We had our first appointment. We met with the nurse practitioner who did a vaginal ultrasound. Red was dated as 6 weeks 4 days, with an EDD of 2/9/06. This is strange given the small window that frozen sperm lives, but for now, we are not too concerned. She also said that the dating process is inaccurate by nature, and that it isn't unusual for the EDD and gestational age to change throughout the pregnancy.

We saw the heartbeat, and have a beautiful little picture, which I need to figure out how to scan. The NP said that the heart rate of approximately 130 is good. nice and average--not too high or too low. Dyke Two was excited because the ultrasound machine ran out of printer paper, so the NP left her in charge of the probe while she left the room to get more paper and reload. (Dyke Two said it was payback because I got to run the MRI machine when she was sick last summer because the lab was understaffed).

The NP is also a lactation consultant, and she said I have "perfect breasts for breastfeeding." I am so relieved and excited to hear that.

We also answered a million questions about my medical history and the donor's medical history.

I have the paperwork for a blood draw and another urine screen so I can go at my convenience to have that done.

The office manager also said that she is pretty sure that the office will take my new insurance, so I won't have to switch doctors mid-pregnancy.

I was cleared for the exercise program I was planning for the summer, cleared for the metamucil, and was told that they anticipate me gaining 25-35 pounds, but that they won't be stressing about each pound gained. I was also told that my vegetarian diet is fine with them. It felt very low-key and relaxed. I don't think i will be pressured to conform to a specific weight gain model, or shamed if my gain is unusual. Given my frame size and current overweight status, I was glad to hear that.

Next appointment: Wednesday July 20 11:15 routine appointment

After that: August 1 9:00 ultrasound/nuchal translucency.

Friday, June 17, 2005

6 weeks 4 days: Minor freakout last night

Last night was my last school board meeting as president of the education asssociation. The finance department announced the details of the buy out package for our previous superintendent, and it was a doozie. $250,000 lump settlement, plus legal fees and moving expenses and rent reimbursement. When FICA is added in, the cost to the school division was $300,000. Of course, the local news was dying for a statement of my outrage, which I refused to give. Instead, they got a quote that everyone was glad to close this chapter, and that the interim superintendent has our complete support and faith. I joked that I needed one last time in the spotlight, but in reality, I am so glad to see this end. I just want to stay home and read about babies.

When I got home, I went into the bathroom for another pee, and of course, was relieved to see the clean toilet paper. However, when I went to flush, the water in the bowl was bright pink. I nearly passed out until I realized it was coming from my newly created hemorrhoid. disgusting, painful and nasty, but a relief.

This morning, Dyke Two woke me up, holding her fingers slightly apart, and said, "Red is this big right now. I can't wait for our ultrasound Monday."

Apparently, she is reading those books in the bathroom. But why isn't she reading the one I bought her a couple weeks ago, How to Make a Pregnant Woman Happy? When the Korean food and Mexican food were waging war in my intestines, I asked her what I should do for the gas, and she shrugged and said, "I dunno."

I might have to just read the damn book myself.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

6 weeks 1 day: Finally feeling the effects

I just realized that my anxiety has really come back full swing. I spent the last week procrastinating on finishing up my paperwork for school. I thought I was just being lazy, until I realized that I did not want to make the phone calls to the parents, and admit that I was behind on my paperwork. I held all my IEP meetings (22-23 altogether), but did not properly follow up on the no-show parents, so I have 8 or 9 IEPs waiting for parental permission. Most of the follow up meetings have been scheduled, or messages have been left, but four numbers are not in service any longer, so I am going to have to go to my supervisor and apologize profusely.

Dyke Two and I went out for Korean food for lunch yesterday for an impromptu lunch date. It was so yummy, and seemed to be sitting nicely in my stomach. Until dinner.... the gayboys wanted to go for Mexican, so we headed to the university area (the only time you can go there is when the kiddos are gone) and had delicious Tex-Mex food. I thought it was sitting well in my stomach until about 20 minutes later, when apparently, the Koreans decided to make a hasty exit from the neighborhood after the Mexicans moved in. Even Kofi Annan (or my favorite previous UN head Boutros Boutros-Ghali) couldn't have brokered that peace settlement! I was gassy all night, and making trips to the bathroom. If you think you know gassy, trust me, you don't. I thought I knew gassy until last night.

All of that to say that food has been disgusting to me today, and I have had an apple. It is now 12:30, so I have to figure out something to put in my belly.

I am heading out soon to work the polls for the primaries today. I love the electoral process. Our delegate to the state legislature is retiring after a bajillion years, and he will be missed. This means that 3 people are fighting it out to replace him. My city is a one party town, so this is the real fight. November will just be a formality. I am volunteering to pass out literature for my candidate at the polls. I was up at like 6 am to go vote this morning because I am such a geek. I love voting!!! Ever since the 1996 election, when I was a 17 year old first year in college, and couldn't vote, I have sworn that I will vote in every single election that is available to me. And I have--even when I am casting a ballot for all uncontested races. I am so excited to bring a baby with me to vote soon. And I am so excited to work the polls in November for my gubernatorial candidate when I am almost done with my second trimester. (I have been in love with our lieutenant governor since the first time I heard him speak about 4 years ago). I have such fond memories of stuffing envelopes, passing out literature and flicking the switches for my mom when I was a kid. I can't wait to pass that excitement on to my kids.

Seriously, I would vote 5 or 6 times each election day if they would let me.

Monday, June 06, 2005

LMP 5 weeks 0 days: Psychosomatic symptoms or just psychosis?

Last night I made the mistake of going to the Fertility Friend pregnancy board. I say mistake because the February Due Dates board is full of women who are barely pregnant (like myself) and have suffered infertility, pregnancy loss, etc (UNLIKE myself).

Now, I am convinced I am having an ectopic pregnancy. You might ask, "Why?" Well, let me tell you. The symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy are

sharp and severe pain in your abdomen,
spotting or unusual bleeding,
missed period,
low levels of HcG,
and sudden severe shoulder pain.

I read those last night in some woman's post about her previous ectopics and thought, "Oh, I'll have to keep those in mind. I don't want a ruptured tube."

Then, this afternoon, while sitting thinking about eating a grilled cheese sandwich, I experienced a dull ache in my shoulder. just the shoulder ache, no spotting, no abdominal pain, no shooting pains near my ovary, just a twinge and a feeling of heat in my shoulder.

Clearly, my pregnancy is ectopic, and I am doomed to have a ruptured tube, because who is going to believe me when I say I need an ultrasound now? I think my doctor is going to EARN his money with me and this pregnancy, because I almost called the office.

But to say what? My shoulder hurts, so please give me an ultrasound of my uterus? Could I even make that phone call with a straight face?

The ache was the sort you might feel from sleeping on your shoulder wrong, or perhaps from, say, swimming laps for the first time in 6 months two days ago.

But, for me, clearly an ectopic. Until I read that shoulder pain is very rare in ectopics, and that it must occur in your "shoulder tip." I couldn't determine what exactly the shoulder tip is.

So I went and ate cake, macaroni and cheese and nachos. and drank a black cherry soda.

I have decided that little Red is probably still where s/he belongs, and that it is my brain that needs to be scanned for signs of rupture.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

LMP 4 weeks, 6 days and counting

We have only told a few people: Dyke Two told two of her workfriends, we told her best friends in NY, the gayboys, my mom and the education association staff member I work closely with. We also told two of our friends who are due on December 31. We are all so excited to have another gay couple to experience this with.

I think it is still not quite real to me. I have been nauseated off and on for the past week. I keep feeling this nagging twinge in my left side that makes me scared it is an ectopic pregnancy.

We have our first ultrasound on June 20, as well as our first appointment, with the CNM at the practice. Then, we will see the doctors for the rest of the pregnancy, though I will probably have to switch doctors at about the 4 month mark when my insurance changes.

We are planning to tell my father and stepmother after the ultrasound on the 20th, and will then make it more general knowledge to our friends and family.

I went for a swim yesterday, and it felt really good to be back in the water. I was asleep at 9:15, which makes like five days out of seven in bed and asleep before 10. As a typical night owl, this feels weird.

I am trying to get through the last of my school work. I have spent the last couple hours on paperwork, and anticipate being at work late tomorrow and Tuesday as well.

I have heard a rumor that our Field Day, which was cancelled on Friday, might be re-scheduled for tomorrow (the last day of school for the kids). Since the weather is still iffy, the principal is planning to make it a surprise.

If I have to spend five hours out in the sun tomorrow, a couple more people might know about little Red, since I am afraid I will get sick, dizzy, dehydrated, etc.

Still no signs of spotting or bad cramping, so I guess Red is in for the long haul.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

LMP: 4 weeks 2 days and counting

After a few days of questionable results on home pregnancy tests, I finally caved and took a digital test on Memorial Day. I nearly tripped on the pile of dirty laundry near the bathroom door as I waved a urine-soaked test with the word "pregnant" in the window over Dyke Two's still sleeping body.

I am not sure that this has really sunk in for either of us. My breasts are larger, my veins are more prominent, and my nipples continue to be sore and swollen. I went to sleep at 9:15 last night, and still dragged myself out of bed. Thank god I only have a couple more days.

We told my mom over the phone Monday night. She was excited, and is already planning to take some time off of work around the due date to help us out. We couched it as still early, but that signs were pointing toward a yes.

I am still scared that this is going to prove to be an ectopic, or that I am going to miscarry, but for now, it appears that little Red is happily snuggled in for a nine month trip.

I took my temps this morning, but not yesterday, and I haven't decided when I am going to stop. Part of me wants a warning if I am going to miscarry, but part of me doesn't want to stress myself out each morning worrying about what the temperature is.