Monday, May 23, 2005

CD22: Still Holding on to the Dream...

I had a fat temperature rise on CD19, and then a crazy low dip on CD21. Rather than put it in, I checked my temp again an hour later when the dogs woke us up again. (After all, I had fallen asleep on the couch and had only been in bed for like three hours when I temped the first time). It had gone right back up to the correct temperature range, so I put in the higher temperature. Still high on CD22, so FF put in dotted crosshairs with a tentative ovulation on CD18. Whatever. My gut (and probably my fantasy) tells me I ovulated on CD14, with a weird delay in temperature shift. TCOYF shows a sample chart where that happened, and asserts that mucus and position are more important than temperature. It is frustrating because if we had been using fresh sperm with an available donor, we would have just kept on squirting until this weekend. Instead, we just have to hope for the best.

I continue to be nauseous and slightly dizzy, and gag every time I brush my teeth. I am also suffering from serious heartburn. (Of course, tremendous stress also cause these symptoms for me, so there is no telling).

I am trying not to get too discouraged, though I noticed some strange twinges in my uterus this morning, and continue to have creamy mucus that is bordering on eggwhite, though too cloudy. I have some soreness in my breasts.

Our attitude right now is to act like I am pregnant, but assume that I am not. I will probably take a test this weekend, just for the fun of it. But even with a BFN, I will still have to pretend that I am pregnant until CD30, which is when I would expect a temp drop and impending menstrual symptoms, if FF is right in calculating ovulation.

I played soccer this weekend, and trapped a few balls on my stomach. (It makes for a wide, soft landing spot for the ball). Dyke Two was very worried that I shouldn't play, but I convinced her it was OK when I pointed out that nobody has ever spontaneously gotten her period from getting hit in the stomach or falling down.

I also fell rather spectacularly while trying to extricate something from our shed. I lost my balance, and rather than land on the legs of an overturned chair, I pushed off, and landed with a thump on the grass outside the shed. Dyke Two was napping when it happened, though Gayboy was with me. After we both finished laughing, I realized that while I was fine (except for the bruises to my dignity) I am going to have to slow down, ask for help and not be so stubbornly independent while pregnant.

The rational side of me says that I am not pregnant, that FF was correct in putting my ovulation crosshairs in on CD18, and that we inseminated too early. Obviously, these symptoms I am having are no more than stress from the impending end of the school year, and that crazy dip on Sunday morning was because of interrupted sleep, my mouth being open, the blankets being kicked off of me, etc. I mean, who can argue with a computer model that analyzes a million charts and figures out ovulation dates every day??

The baby-obsessed, crazy making side of me says that the symptoms are clearly related to a fertilized egg floating inside of me, that the currently unrecorded dip was an implantation dip and that clearly I am pregnant. I mean, who can argue with cervical mucus??

Did I mention that I am also moody??


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