Thursday, April 28, 2005

A Bittersweet Shower

We had a baby shower yesterday for one of my colleagues who is due in June. It was ironic that we had this shower in the middle of Passover for a Jewish woman, since she couldn't eat her own cake and showers are met with mixed emotion in Jewish culture. Superstition says that you don't want to tempt the evil eye, so you shouldn't even have babystuff in the house until you actually give birth. (I personally think some husband made that up to keep the women of the family from spending all their money on the baby that is coming soon!)

But, I digress. I had very mixed emotions during the shower. It wasn't so much that I wanted to be the pregnant woman, as I have now realized that I have such an exciting new chapter of my life starting that I don't want to have a baby until next winter or spring. It was really two-fold. I have sat through umpteen baby showers and bridal showers in the years I have taught in this school. (If anyone wants to get good presents, make sure you are teaching when life events like marriages and births are coming. Teachers LOVE that stuff, and love to throw a good shower.) And, I realized that I will not be part of this community when/if I get pregnant. I think it sunk in that I am leaving this community, and they won't be a part of my future children's lives.

The other sticking point was my anger and frustration that my upcoming wedding is being completely ignored by my colleagues. I am positive that when we have a wedding shower for the other engaged teacher, it will be solely for her, and my wedding will not be included. Homophobia, ignorance or just insecurity about how to handle it on the part of the administration and "sunshine committee"... I am not sure which it is, but it all sucks.

I would love to be part of the outpouring of love and support that surrounds people when they embark on transitions, but most people ignore that same sex couples move through the same milestones and would probably appreciate the same ritual support.


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