Tuesday, March 29, 2005

And On To Plan B...

Dyke Two had breakfast this morning with PKD and finally got the whole story. He has decided that he cannot be our KD. (We pretty much assumed that from his actions this past weekend, but were glad that he finally got up the courage to talk to us about it.) As always, open communication saved the day.

He told Dyke Two that after thinking more about it, he had a vision of being an active third parent, with partial custody, participation in parenting decisions, and full acknowledgement to his family and the world. He realized while talking to his mother that he wants too badly to be a father, and cannot trust himself to honor any donor agreement that might be drawn up.

We switched gears pretty quickly from being hurt and offended that he was blowing us off and thought so little of our friendship to feeling honored and impressed by his clarity of vision and unswerving integrity. (We knew that he was a great guy--which is why we chose him as a KD, but now, we know how great a guy he is! ) Had he been devious or manipulative, he could have signed the donor agreement knowing full well that he would ultimately sue for custody.

We heard back from the good doctors yesterday with a brief email saying that they are putting their heads together and will get back to us before the weekend with a few potential names.

All in all, this has ended up being a very positive experience. We are blessed with friends who care about us, the knowledge that PKD can be counted on with a serious decision and will continue to think about the best interests of all involved, and the reassurance that our relationship with each other is not dependent on everything working out just perfectly.

Dyke Two has expressed a desire now to more fully investigate the anonymous donor option simply because we can do it ourselves, and don't have to rely on anyone else. I assured her last night that this plan is always ready for re-evaluation, so we can continue to discuss more fully whenever she wants.


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