Thursday, March 17, 2005

Operation Known Donor Continues

With those parameters outlined, Dyke Two approached a good friend of hers from work, henceforth known as Potential Known Donor (PKD), about five weeks ago, and asked him to consider being our donor. Once he got over the initial shock and speechlessness, he said it was a conversation he would like to continue.

We then went through a period of four weeks where he never mentioned it again. We were both beginning to get anxious, and started the cycle of sizing up any and every man we know as a potential donor. Thankfully, he emerged from the silence and suggested that we all go to dinner.

Last Saturday night, the three of us went to dinner together to discuss things further. We went to one of Dyke Two's and my favorite restaurants, a small Afro-Carribbean place in the downtown area of our city. The meal was great, and the place was almost empty, thus affording us a sense of privacy. There was an extended family seated near us that included one of the most beautiful little four year old girls any of us had ever seen.

PKD immediately asked about the role he would have in our child's life. He seemed to understand, and look forward to, being considered an uncle to our children. He is already an uncle, and knows what unclehood is all about. We all felt comfortable with the idea of PKD being involved on a regular basis with our kids, though not making any parenting decisions, and not being guaranteed overnight visits. He was also comforted by the fact that even though we have every intention of leaving our state, my mother is still here, and lives only about 10 miles from his home. When we do leave, we are likely to be back in the area at least two or three times a year.

We left dinner with the agreement that PKD will get back to us in a week or so, after discussing it with his mother, and that we will then begin the legal and health discussion, as well as ironing out logistics. PKD feels, rightly so, that if his mother is uncomfortable with the idea of a genetic grandchild or two who are being raised by lesbians, then he cannot continue. We whole-heartedly agree, as we are afraid that if he went forward without her blessing, she would then seriously consider suing me for custody.

Dyke Two and I have spent a lot of time obsessing this week about the unspoken messages in his body language, word choice, etc. Both of us have a twinge of fear that PKD might still be envisioning more of "fatherly" role than either of us, but neither of us think that strong communication will not resolve this. Both of us are ready to move the conversation into the legal and medical aspects, and are optimistic that PKD will agree to, and paperwork and medical testing will be ready for, a May insemination.


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