Thursday, March 24, 2005

Still plugging away...

After some angst surrounding my ovulation date this month when my signs did not all line up perfectly, I realized that I am going to have to figure out a way to relax about all of this. I mean, come on, we weren't even inseminating this month and I was scrutinizing my chart for signs of how to resolve the conflicting messages.

This morning I realized that this is just another example of how I expect myself to be perfect, and am disappointed when I don't perform to my exact, precise standards. Dyke Two and I agreed that I would chart for these months leading up to insemination so that we would know and understand my cycles and rhythms, not so we would pinpoint to the hour when I was ovulating so that we could plan insemination accordingly.

While my cycles haven't been perfect this month, we have met our goals. I know a lot more about my cycles, and clearly, the menstrual cycle is not something anyone can ever control without hormonal intervention from a doctor. We have already agreed that the medically managed route is not for us at the beginning, and will only be considered as a last resort.

We continue to worry about Dyke Two's mother, sister and niece. As it stands right now, we think that a positive step has occurred, since sister signed over temporary custody to mother. Sister is voluntarily attending therapy and substance abuse day treatment. We are all hoping that reunification will occur successfully in six months or so. Sister tried so hard to have our niece, and we hate to think that someone will remove niece from her care. It is hard to monitor from 600 miles away, but we have to trust mother when she tells us all is under control, and that she can take care of our niece without compromising her own health.

We continue to wait anxiously to hear from PKD. Dyke Two is supposed to be having lunch with him today or tomorrow, and we are hoping for an answer. If he doesn't have one, then I think we will need to give him a deadline of April 1 so we can move forward with asking one of the other men on our list. I am still hoping that it will work out with PKD. He was the first person who came to mind for both of us once the phase of ridiculousness ended.

We knew it was time to focus on reality when we were watching Oprah one afternoon and saw Usher being interviewed. Jokingly, we decided that we should write him a letter and ask him to be our donor. We didn't do it, and it is probably just as well. In this day and age of heightened celebrity stalking awareness, we probably would have been arrested.

We both trust and respect PKD. He and Dyke Two share some physical characteristics (skin tone, basic body build, hair texture) and he is funny, intelligent, motivated, creative, artistic, and loving. If our children received half of these intrinisic qualities from PKD, we would be honored to raise children that wonderful.


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