Monday, April 04, 2005

And the Fog Lifts...

After writing that vent last week, life has changed. The next morning during work, I actually felt the switch flip in my brain, and the depressive cloud dissipated as my mood stabilized and improved throughout the morning.

I ran a couple of errands, including purchasing the materials to crochet a baby blanket for one of my pregnant co-workers, and stopping by the home of the family to get a signature from the parents on some special education paperwork. The older sister of the student had a baby two weeks ago, so I got to ooh and aah over a little teeny one. And, because the family are recent immigrants from Liberia, it was a definite cross-cultural experience to see how a wee one is raised and coddled in another culture.

After those sweet experiences, I went home from work, and checked the mailbox. Inside was a very thin letter from the University. I almost started to sob since, as we all remember from our high school days, thin is not desirable when talking about letters from colleges.

Inside the envelope were two sheets of paper, one on letterhead, and one a fluorescent yellow. The letterhead sheet was my ACCEPTANCE letter. I am in. The relief that washed over me was unbelievable. As I called Dyke Two on my cell phone, I flipped to read the fluorescent sheet. Together, we discovered that not only was I accepted, I also received a fairly generous financial aid package. Tuition and fees are covered, my health insurance is covered, and I will receive a $5,000 stipend for each semester. No loans, all grants.

Immediately, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of me, as I planned my resignation from my school division. I talked to my principal Friday morning, and he was extremely supportive. And now, I am on spring break. Sweet relief.

I have found that Dyke Two and I have moved back into discussions of wanting a baby, but that the discussions have lost some of their urgency and immediacy. We went to Babies R Us on Sunday, and had a good time looking at everything, but there was no tug in the stomach that it has to occur now. We have begun to talk about the possibility of using a sperm bank, but we feel like we are not in the stage of "Must make baby or die" any longer. Even sweeter relief.


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