19 weeks 1 day: We still have a heartbeat

Routine appointment. doctor was running late because of a scheduling mix-up, so I called Chuck and told her to take her time. Unfortunately, she missed the first round with the doppler.

Blood pressure, urine both good. my weight is back up to pre-pregnancy (which was heavier than I really wanted it to be). weight is fine, though I wish back to pre-pregnancy meant a lower number...

Heartrate at 150 bpm (again) the doctor felt my uterus, and said it felt good and the right size, shape and position. he also felt my ankles for edema, and said that they looked good. that was a new check, but I had been looking at my ankles and thought they still felt normal.

By the time Dyke Two got there, she had missed the heartbeat with the Doppler, because the nurse had already seen me. After the appointment with the doctor was done, he brought the nurse back in so Dyke Two could hear the heartbeat herself. The nurse reassured us that there were strong kicks, which we could hear on the Doppler, and she let us listen to the heartbeat for three or four minutes. It sounded so nice!!

I haven't said anything yet here, but my anxiety is really starting to rear its head... I spent the last week worrying that:

a. the baby was dead
b. I will be a terrible mother
c. I will be kicked out of school for becoming a mother when my grades take a nose dive.
d. Dyke Two will be killed in an accident, have another health crisis, or will decide to leave me for someone else.

I know that all of this is purely anxiety, since I can talk myself out of it easily and quickly. But it is so tiring to always be protecting myself from my brain. Dyke Two and I are discussing whether or not I should find a therapist for the remainder of the pregnancy.

The other big news is that we bought a king size bed this weekend! We went to this store that specializes in high end sleep systems, and bought the second generation memory foam mattress from this company in Canada called Essentia. It gets delivered tomorrow, along with the new dressers we had to buy to fit the bed in the room. (We both have long, short dressers, but needed to buy tall, thin ones to fit on either side of the door). I have never been so excited about a delivery man.

We also finally broke down and hired someone to mow the lawn for us. Mowing is my job, but between the morning sickness and the heat this summer (Dyke Two wouldn't let me mow if there was a heat advisory), it had been weeks and weeks since the lawn was mowed. A very nice man did it for us yesterday, so now our house looks like a cared for property again, instead of an abandoned shell.

Next appointment: Wednesday October 19 1 pm OB

Anatomical ultrasound: Wednesday October 5 9 am