36 weeks 6 days: seeing double

Friday morning I woke up and realized that I was seeing double. My head hurt, the room was spinning a little, and there were definitely four devoted and protective dogs lying on the floor by the bed. Last time that happened, I could definitely attribute it to an alcohol induced state. This time, the only controlled substance in my system is pregnancy tea. Dyke Two was at the doctor, but as soon as she came home, I cautiously told her that I was seeing two of everything...

I had just seen the OB the day before, so we called my optometrist, assuming that my prescription was changing in the end days of pregnancy. They told me to call my OB. We called the OB, who said, "Well, if you come in, we'll just take your blood pressure and make you pee in the cup. Since everything was clear yesterday, there is no reason to come back today."

Back to the optometrist. Dyke Two drove me across town to the optometrist, which is a good thing, since I kept flinching because I thought parked cars were driving toward us in our lane. Long story short, optometrist determined that there is nothing wrong with my prescription, no signs of swelling or damage to the back of the eye, and no eyeball related explanation for this. He sent me to a neurologist.

We spent 3 and a half hours with the neurologist, Dr. Crazyman. Seriously, the man was loud, wore a gigantic yellow bow tie with his pants pulled up to his rib cage, and spoke into his dictaphone the entire time. He was writing his chart notes as he interviewed me, but he never asked a question, since he would just trail off mid-sentence, waiting for me to answer. I did all sorts of fun tests that involved lights and buttons and pointers. Finally, we were sent home with a diagnosis of paralysis of the VI cranial nerve, which is preventing me from moving my right eye properly. Dr. Crazyman said that normally, he would have sent me for an MRI that day to rule out stroke, tumors, lesions and viral/bacterial damage, but since I was pregnant, we just need to wait it out. If the symptoms are still there when the baby is born, then he will order an MRI. In the meantime, he occluded the right lens of my glasses. Turns out that is just Dr. Crazyspeak for "put scotch tape over the lens so you can't see through it." Words can't describe the hotness factor. We have strict orders to check for changes and call immediately if any symptoms get worse or new ones develop. In that situation, the OB can take the baby out and I can get the MRI. I freaked out a little, until I realized that, in fact, the baby could be taken out, since he is full term tomorrow.

Then I really freaked out.