19 weeks 1 day: We still have a heartbeat

Routine appointment. doctor was running late because of a scheduling mix-up, so I called Chuck and told her to take her time. Unfortunately, she missed the first round with the doppler.

Blood pressure, urine both good. my weight is back up to pre-pregnancy (which was heavier than I really wanted it to be). weight is fine, though I wish back to pre-pregnancy meant a lower number...

Heartrate at 150 bpm (again) the doctor felt my uterus, and said it felt good and the right size, shape and position. he also felt my ankles for edema, and said that they looked good. that was a new check, but I had been looking at my ankles and thought they still felt normal.

By the time Dyke Two got there, she had missed the heartbeat with the Doppler, because the nurse had already seen me. After the appointment with the doctor was done, he brought the nurse back in so Dyke Two could hear the heartbeat herself. The nurse reassured us that there were strong kicks, which we could hear on the Doppler, and she let us listen to the heartbeat for three or four minutes. It sounded so nice!!

I haven't said anything yet here, but my anxiety is really starting to rear its head... I spent the last week worrying that:

a. the baby was dead
b. I will be a terrible mother
c. I will be kicked out of school for becoming a mother when my grades take a nose dive.
d. Dyke Two will be killed in an accident, have another health crisis, or will decide to leave me for someone else.

I know that all of this is purely anxiety, since I can talk myself out of it easily and quickly. But it is so tiring to always be protecting myself from my brain. Dyke Two and I are discussing whether or not I should find a therapist for the remainder of the pregnancy.

The other big news is that we bought a king size bed this weekend! We went to this store that specializes in high end sleep systems, and bought the second generation memory foam mattress from this company in Canada called Essentia. It gets delivered tomorrow, along with the new dressers we had to buy to fit the bed in the room. (We both have long, short dressers, but needed to buy tall, thin ones to fit on either side of the door). I have never been so excited about a delivery man.

We also finally broke down and hired someone to mow the lawn for us. Mowing is my job, but between the morning sickness and the heat this summer (Dyke Two wouldn't let me mow if there was a heat advisory), it had been weeks and weeks since the lawn was mowed. A very nice man did it for us yesterday, so now our house looks like a cared for property again, instead of an abandoned shell.

Next appointment: Wednesday October 19 1 pm OB

Anatomical ultrasound: Wednesday October 5 9 am

18 weeks 4 days: Life Continues

It has been so long since I posted anything here. Let's see...

Dyke Two and I did the four miler race for breast cancer last weekend. We both walked it. I came in at 67 minutes and Dyke Two came in at 73 minutes. It was amazing to see her, crying as she crossed the finish line, with everyone cheering for her. As I watched her, I knew that she was only 14 months from a stroke that the doctors still don't know why didn't kill her. It was so inspiring to see her push past her fear of her body letting her down because she wanted to make a change for me and the baby. The awesome thing is that she finished 15 minutes faster than we were anticipating. I am so proud of her!!!

My classes are going well. I am able to do most of my work from 9-5 during the week so I have my evenings and weekends for myself. I am going to get very frustrated with some of the worldviews of some of my classmates. It is clear that they do not understand the needs and experiences of people who are different from them. For the most part, my professors have been more open-minded, though one of them made a joke in class yesterday that was very insensitive to the GLBT community, transgendered people in particular. I am still debating whether or not I should point it out to him.

Dyke Two had an appointment with her cardiologist this morning, and the doctor gave her a clean bill of health. No heart muscle damage, no blockages right near her heart. If she will just lose the weight, she will be considered low risk again. Now, we just need to get serious about the diet.

i need her around for as long as possible...